Equally a young woman with a strong character, I appeared to be somehow able to weather any storm. But I had a secret. Victim of rape, I kept my demons out of scope to silently move on, like many survivors do.
On the surface everything seemed fine, but in my head there was that spin going on and on. I could not make sense of this sudden, arbitrary, unpredictable event. Why would someone want to hurt me? Why ripping me out from a normal motherhood? Wasn't I suppose to be living the happiest days of my life with my newborn child? What could have I done differently?
A few months later...
In my apartment of Le Plateau, downtown Montreal, my friend Elana came into my black and white home studio to help me in the writing of some lyrics. I had just recorded, then bounced some guitar tracks on my Multitrack Fostex 250. Then, with my baby never far from us, she patiently helped me finding out what I wanted to say, one word at a time. Truly, this was my first endeavor to say something coherent about what had happened.
Then... Elana insisted to throw in a message of hope... "There has to be hope"... "Let the magic begin".
Thus last night I plugged in my Vintage Sony Walkman Professional, took out of a dusty box an old cassette tape with the label "Demo song: Rat Trap", my first tangible few steps towards healing that will take lifetime.
I could never thank enough all of my friends that supported me through my very long journey of healing and God knows how patient they have been.
"Let the magic begin".